Why it is easier to hate on other women, than it is to support them - A theory ( Part 1)

July 13, 2017

 

 

By all means, I am not someone who supports women hating on other women, but I think that sometimes, when people can understand, identify and acknowledge their own behaviour, they are able to make changes.

 

So, women often meet up in friendship circles, and discuss recent events in each individual  person's lives.There is always one girl that is doing ' better' or ' worst' than the other girls. We update each other on what's been happening...uni,work, home life and the biggest topic usually ends up being BOYS ( because of course, it is usually the most dramatic and entertaining topic).

 

But the reason why I believe that women will be more inclined to hate on other women, rather than support them, sometimes, is because of a few reasons, but here is one that I know about :

 

1.Emotional reactions 

It's as simple as this.. when a woman, tells another woman, about how well she is doing, the girl in the group that is doing significantly ' less well' in the group starts to understand and identify. She understands and identifies that :

 

 1.This person is doing really well ------------>2.I am not doing as well as she is ----------->3. This does not make me feel good, it makes me feel bad about myself

 

After this, the girl that is doing significantly 'less well' in the group, feels bad and begins to host a negative emotion. This negative emotion can be thrown back at the girl who is doing better in the group in the form of  :' making digs' /'being catty'/ 'hating' /'making jokes that aren't really funny' ' highlighting the flaws and insecurities' of the friend that is doing really well.. and of course .. there are loads more ways of doing it. ( we have all sat back and watched it)

 

The girl that is doing 'less well', will throw the negative emotions that she feels, back at the person that made her feel this way.The girl that is doing 'less well' doesn't understand, that the friend that made her feel this way, never intended to make her feel this way . That in fact, this is her own interpretation and understanding or maybe even, insecurity. An insecurity she should have in fact could have spoken to her friends about,  but instead opted to act on raw emotion, emotion that often plays tricks on you.

 

But of course the friends that is doing 'less well', won't share her thoughts about this situation, because she is at risk of:

1. Being judged

2. Being labelled a bad person who harbours negative emotions like jealousy

3.Being vulnerable and exposing insecurities to the other girls ( who may use this against her in the future)

4. Being seen as the weak friend who needs help 

 

Why is it easier to hate on other women than it is to support other women ?  because of course you would be at risk off all of the things that I just mentioned. You would actually have to pull your friend aside and have this chat. You will have to dig deep and reflect on yourself and make some harsh, but real conclusions about yourself.You would have to actually behave like an adult , an adult that appears to be working on themselves. People will often try and escape a situation that is uncomfortable , we all do it, we all sit in comfort zones.

Alternatively, you could pretend that you don't feel insecure and unhappy within yourself in comparison to your friend.You could suppress how you feel, but of course later on, you may slip up and make a 'catty comment' or 'throw shade', without even realising it. This is because that emotion is still sitting there, the problem you have hasn't been solved. The catty comments keeps flowing  and then everyone in the friendship circle seems to realise that the friend that  is doing 'less well' seems to have a problem with the friend who is doing well '. I have seen this situation so many times over and over, and whilst it is entertaining, I don't believe that is how we should be moving forward as women of 2017.

 

Perhaps as women, we could instead try to the convert negative emotion in positive emotion.Throwing the negative emotion back at your friend doesn't make sense, if you are friends. Maybe the friends who is doing 'less well', should talk to the friends that is doing 'well' and talk to her about how she felt in that moment. The friend that is doing less well should talk about :

1.How she felt happy for her in the moment that she shared great news with her friends, but that at the same time she felt bad about herself and maybe even insecure.

2. How she didn't know what to do about how she felt or how to get rid of these emotions

3.How she feels she could progress towards her goals and maybe even ask her friend to support her ( which I am sure her friend would be willing to do, if they are friends)

 

( Important note- the friend that is doing 'less well' should speak DIRECTLY to the friend that is doing 'well' to avoid a dramatic , yet classic situation called ' Talking about you behind your back' lol.)

 

This was a theory - PART TWO COMING SOON

 

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