April 3, 2018

 I no longer give a f**k about ....


1. 'What other people think' - I used to spend so much time worrying about what other people thought about me. At school, it was about protecting your 'reputation', at college it was about being popular and having at least a circle of friends around you to convince other that were not a weird person, with no friends. By the time it got to uni, it was about convincing people that your opinion was the right opinion, and it was about , not ending the debate until the other person agreed that you were right.

NOW - Forget it mate,people are going to think what they are going to think! . The only opinion that you need to stress over is the one your are conducting for yourself. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, so why spend your days trying to alter someone else's  perceptions of you.



2.'How pretty I look'- I remember at school, we used to go to the toilets atleast 10 times a day to check that our hair and makeup was still in place... ( I guess its natural at that age to see if you have the powers to attract the sex, but.. 10 times a day.. its too much) Intially, my intention to ' look pretty' i guess was a seem like ' a pretty girl to the girls and to seem to be ' a attractive girl' to the guys, to maybe even attract a date from ' looking good'.

NOW- babe your shouldn't be attracting man from looking good, you should be attracting them by holding interesting conversation and by telling them about how smart you are, over dinner.I still believe that you should only be getting pretty for yourself,so that you look and feel good.My worth as woman, is not based on my looks. I love makeup and new clothes, but if i need to step out of the house with no makeup on, with a tracksuit on, I will! I know how cute I can look, when I try,I haven't got to prove that to anyone else.I'm also not seeking man, because I already have a boo... so yeah.


3.'Doing things I don't want to do' .... (because frankly i'd rather be in bed, watching Netflix) 

When I was a teen, I used to go out 'raving' a lot, because it was the thing to do, and that what all my friends enjoyed doing. But i slowly fell out of love with it. The level of  creeping guys was high, the music was not me,the late nights made me a cranky b**tch and the alcohol messed  up my system in more ways than one. Not to mention travelling home in the freezing cold on the bus. But yet, every week, when someone asked me to go out... I would agree to go.. because I didn't want to disappoint them,and if I didn't go... I would have to lie, and think of a good excuse.

NOW- You cannot give away hours of your life doing things that you don't want to do, full stop!You wont get those hours back , so if you couldn't think of anything better than staying in bed, watching Netflix with a bowl of ice cream, DO THAT RUDE GIRL. the  best thing to do is be honest. Tell your friend: ' You know what, i'm not gonna come to this one, I got plans with myself, i'm over the 'raving thing ATM... but we can still be friends, you enjoy yourself. we'll do something we are both down for, later in the week. DONE


4.'Telling people about what I'm really into' - When I was younger, I was into some things, that my friends just weren't into. For example, later on in my life, I decided that I was going to  be a vegetarian, I decided not to drink alcohol anymore and I decided that I wasn't gonna reply in group messages. ( I flipping hate group chats, proper stressful, with your phone blazing off every second.)  At first, you get all the questions.. why? and then you get the teasing and making fun of you... and then comes the times when your not invited to certain outings, because... 'You don't drink, you don't like partying,you don't eat meat and you don't do what everyone else does'.

NOW..at the end of the day, you should communicate to your friends that you've made these life changes and reassure them that you can still be friends, but that you'll just do things that you both like- why should one friend have to completely sacrifice for the other? Nowadays, I feel confident enough to say that I want to go to a museum, because I like  museums, i'm not gonna hide it .. I like what I like .. B**tch 


5.'Seeking  approval from others' ( I'm talking about  teachers, friends and family) 

So when I graduated, I graduated with a degree in Film studies. at first I was seeking approval from my teachers, I was trying to please them, so that I could get that first... (these times I got to job interviews, and interviewers don't even care what my grade is, just so long as I have a degree, they are happy.) After I graduated , My family expected me to get a big graduate job!  so I made an  effort to do what everyone does, I went out to get one( I soon found that the (-5 office life, wasn't good for a creative like me )  Then I went for internships,where I tried to seek approval, for my skills in film and media production) except, all I ever did at these internships was collecting peoples lunches and making tea and coffee. Some of my friends, who were 'HAPPY' at there jobs, asked me, when was I going to get a real job.. again I would come up with some excuse, in order to seek approval, for MY LIFE DECISIONS.My own life decisions.  After working for various retail companies, I decided that self- employment was my path, and for the last year and a half, I having been working on my own business whilst working working in retail part time, in order to self fund my business. 

NOW- Do you honey ! because these people aren't there for you, when you are crying into your bedsheets at night 


6.'Coming across  to people as 'not nice' - ( basically people pleasing hours are over my friend') 

You know  sometimes, when you are having a conversation,and you know that , if you are to keep the peace, you should just agree with everything your friends is saying , but really you don't agree.

NOW-Sometimes, it's just better to tell the truth. It's just better to be open and honest. If your friends don't learn anything from you, what use are you to them. I believe that we are here to help eachother grow and learn, and if you keep holding back vital informations... just because, your friend,might not take it well, well then.. just leave it all together. If your friend is Sh**t at managing  money, tell her, and then probably help her Lol!


7.'Being Perfect'- I believe that there is no such thing as perfect, there's only ' almost perfect' and the only person, that can make that judgement is yourself.

NOW- stop trying to be perfect, and just be , the best version of yourself. Trying to be perfect is exhausting!  but at the same time... keep your sh**t together.


8.'Being viewed as 'different' or 'strange' - if I ever wanted to go to the supermarket in my Pjs, if I ever wanted to eat dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner.. then I can ..

NOW- who cares.. there are more important things to care about .


9.'Maintaining ' friendships' -  There are some friendships that I wish I could have upheld, but you know its never too late to reach out to someone. at the same time, if you peers cant understand that you're busy trying to make a life for yourself, if they cant understand that you ant be at their beck and call 24-7, then , let them think what they think, until they realise for themselves. at the same time,make a space in time for your friends, because they're important, they keep you sane.

NOW- communicate effectively with your friends about what you're trying to do, and how busy you might be, but tell them regardless,you still love them. I mean, do you think that Stormzy, became successful , sitting around talking to his friends all day... no .. you have to work ! you have to get busy.


10. 'Buckling down to pure pressure, in order to 'keep the peace' - Ill be honest with you guys, I still struggle with this one. So a lot of the time, ill go out to eat with friends and family , and sometimes, ill go out to places where they wont have vegetarian or vegan options on the menu.

NOW - BYE! i'm out ! Don't worry about me guys...I wont be eating any carcass ..don't try to convince me to... i'll go grab me a veggie burger from Mcd's straight after. 


11.'Replying to messages straight away'- When I was younger, guys I was dating , used  to say that  " I was going on mixed race'- which is when 'mixed raced'/ lightskin  girls don't reply to your messages, because they think that they are too nice and popular to have the time to reply to anyone- it's absolute nonsense of course...but  I think a lot of my friends know by now, that I don't carry my phone around with me 24-7. and even when I do see your message, i'll reply after i've had a nap, after i've eaten, after i've showered... when the time is good for me.I find it stressful answering 10 messages, from 10 different people on three different apps and imessage. I'm sure if it was important, you'd just call me or send a voice note no ?

NOW- i'm not gonna stress myself out over it, if I always answered my messages instantly, I would never see my mum or wash my butt, so sorry .. priorities guys... I love all my friends... I do.. but sorry not sorry. oh any group chats, ill read it, but i wont be replying.. reading and replying is just too much lol.




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